Sleep
by AdrenalineMonster
Summary: My Chemical Romance is on tour and you get a sneak peek of their life on the tour bus. Gerard and Frank confess their feelings for each other, making Frerard official 3 Enjoy
1. Chapter 1

I woke ubruptly. The visions of needles and being choked swirling in my mind. It is late and I know I won't be going back to sleep. The tour bus is suprisingly hot and I can hear Mikey snoring in the next bunk. I climb out of bed and make my way twards the kitchen to brew a pot of coffee. As I walk, I realize that Frank isn't in his bed. I can hear the faint sound of gunshots in the distance, letting me know that Frank is playing video games again. 'Gears of War..." I think. Just as I suspected, Frank is sitting on the couch playing on the xbox. "Frank. Why are you up? It's three in the morning." He ignores me and continues to play his game. "Frank." "Woah, what? Sorry, Gee." He pauses his game and looks at me "What did you say?" I roll my eyes and walk to the kitchen. "I asked you why you were awake." He looked up, embarrased. "Oh. I couldn't sleep. Mikey was snoring again." He said with a frown on his face. "You know, if you drink coffee now you'll never sleep again." I shrugged and continued to measure the grounds into the filter. I looked at Frank, who sighed and rubbed his eyes. "Make me some too, okay?" he said. I got two cups out of the cabnet and waited for the coffee to brew. Frank walked into the kitchen and jumped up to sit on the counter. He looked up at me with a concerned face and then asked "Gerard, you alright? You look really shaken up." I take the pot of coffee out of the machine and pour it into two mugs. "Do you want sugar?" I ask him. He shakes his head which leaves some awkward scilence. "Gerard..." he pleads me. "Did you have another nightmare?" He walks over to where I am pouring the coffee and stands by me, awkwardly close. He puts his hand on my shoulder and I jump, spilling my coffee all over my white teeshirt. "Fuck..." I say. "Frank, why would you do that?!" I yell at him. I take off my shirt and Frank takes it from me. "I'm sorry... I'll go wash it." He says sheepishly. I shake my head and hear shuffling coming from the bunk aera. Mikey and Ray appear looking tired and upset. "Gerard, why the FUCK are you yelling?" Mikey asks angrily. He sees Frank and I and grins. "Just like the fanfiction. 'Frank and Gerard are in the kitchen when Frank takes his hand and whispers "Trust me" as he takes off Gerard's shirt...' Hah I should have known, my older brother.." Mikey laughs. I know that he is kidding but for some reason, I get enraged. I am sick and tired of 'Frerard' and all of the people that ship it. "Mike! I'm not gay, for you or for anyone else. I have a wife and a daughter at home. Stop this bullshit right now. The only reason people think that is because Frank and I kissed onstage for the PERFORMENCE. God, sometimes I just want to quit this band..." I don't know why I am getting so upset, but I just keep getting angrier. This never bothered me in the past I don't know why it's bothering me so much right now. "Jesus, Gerard. Calm down.I know you're not gay, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to upset you, but you're taking this to a bit of an extreme, don't you think? Quitting the band..? C'mon Gee..." I sit there for a moment and breathe. "I need some time alone." I say and sulk off to my bunk. I can hear the others talking about me. "Frank what happened? Did you say something?" Mikey. "I don't know. He came from his bunk and made coffee. He had another terror so I was trying to calm him down and he snapped.." Frank. "What the fuck did you do to him? I swear, Frank... If you don't answer me!" Mikey. "Jesus, Mike. Calm down. He told us what happened, it's not his fault." Ray. I roll over on my side and put my pillow over my head. 'Why did I freak out... it wasn't even a big deal, you know? Frank was just trying to help, and Mikey was just giving me trouble. I overracted. God, I feel bad now.' my thoughts were rushing through my head as I still heard them arguing and Mikey yelling at Frank. I sigh, get out of my bunk and go to apologize.


	2. Chapter 2

When I walk out to the living space, I see Frank having a small breakdown on the floor of the kitchen as Ray tries to calm down Mikey. I go over to Frank and sit down next to him. I know that he is upset because he is sitting on the floor, which he never does. Ever. I look at him and say "I'm sorry for freaking out earlier. I didn't mean for any of this to happen..." I try to explain but he cuts me off. "Gerard. Shut up. You're making it worse" I was startled by his reaction. "Frank, I-" "Stop. Just stop talking. Did you ever once stop to think how your actions might effect someone? I love you, Gerard. I fucking love you." He burries his head in his lap and begins to cry. I start to feel like a piece of shit for making him so upset. He used to have issues in the past and he really does not need to relapse because of me. "Frank... I love you too, you know that." I pause for a moment and take his hands away from his face, showing his teary eyes. "I never meant to upset you, it's just that..." I trail off, trying to compose my thoughts. To be honest, I do have feelings for Frank. I love him more than I have loved anyone in my life, but the love I feel is brotherly. I love him like I love Mikey, but stronger. I would be devastated if anything happened to Mikey, don't get me wrong, but if something ever happened to Frank... I don't know what I would do. Frank is my everything, but I'm not gay. I am most certainly not gay. It's not like that, I mean... It's Frank. He's been there with me through everything. I can't like him like that. I don't... I- "Gerard" I look up quickly, breaking off my train of thought. "Huh..?" I look at frank, his eyes still red from crying. "You cut yourself off mid sentence." "Oh, sorry. I don't remember what I was saying..." He looked sad, pitiful and I could feel my heart breaking. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I just get really defensive about things like that, you know?" I sigh deeply as Frank looks at me. "I know, Gee. But why? It's not like we are actually doing anything." I debate in my head weather or not I should say what I'm thinking. I don't think that I should but suddenly, word vomit. "I have thought about it in the past. you and I, but... I don't know. I think that's why I get so angry, because I think I might have feelings for you." Fuck what have I just done? Why did I even say that? I'm such a dumb ass oh my Jesus fucking Christ. I look at him anxiously to see what he says. He sits there with a half smile. "Well that's a relief." he says. "I thought I was the only one." After all these years, Frank can still surprise me. I grin with relief and sigh. It feels good to finally get that off my chest. I finally close my eyes as the morning sun peeks through the window. Somewhere during all of this, Frank and I fall asleep. He rests his head on my shoulder and rest mine on the top of his head. Intertwined at last, I feel completely at ease.


	3. Chapter 3

I wake up to being kicked in the leg by my little brother. "GERARD." I open my eyes sleepily to find an agitated Mikey.

"What the fuck, Mike, you didn't have to kick me." I say. Frank wakes up. He lifts his head off of my shoulder and rubs his eyes.

"Sorry. I called your name like ten times so I kicked you so you would wake up. We made it to the venue." I stand up off the floor and reach out my hand to help Frank get up as well. "Listen, I'm sorry about last night. I was just upset that you were upset. We were all tired and I think we let things go a bit too far. I didn't mean to make anyone angry." Mikey said as we brushed ourselves off.

"It's fine, Mikey. Everything turned out well to be honest." Frank said. As Mikey turned around and made his way off of the tour bus, Frank turned to me. "Last night was a mess, but I'm glad we got our feelings off of our chests. I really like you. I think I have for a while." I smile at him warmly as he takes my hand and we make our way off of the bus.

I look at him for a bit and laugh softly until I say "I think I have too. But the thing is that I was suppressing my feelings. I don't think I wanted to be gay. The more I think about it, the more I realize how much I've liked you over the years. I'm so stupid. I should have told you a long time ago. It feels amazing to get that off of my chest and to figure out my true intentions." Frank looks at me for a moment and thinks, he then nods and grins awkwardly as we continue our walk from the bus to the stadium.

A few teenagers come up and ask for an autograph and picture, they then ask where Mikey and Ray are. As I explain that they are already inside, they seem really disappointed. The girl with orange tips on her jet black hair grimaces and explains how her backstage passes were stolen. Frank and I apologize profusely but she and the boy she is with get angry. They start to yell at us with distasteful words until they notice Frank's hand in mine. The girl stops and laughs while the boy yells "Faggots!" as they run away. You would think that true fans wouldn't care but that's not how it is. It disgusts me.

When we get into the building, I go directly to the makeup room and lock the door, leaving Mikey, Ray and Frank out in the common area without me. Just need to think. I thought it was a good idea to tell Frank my true feelings about him at the time but now I'm not so sure. We might lose a good amount of our fan base if we continue this. We lost two fans and it hasn't even been twenty four hours! I sit on the ground with my head resting on top of my knees and my hands covering my ears, trying to make the thoughts stop.

I can still hear Frank's muffled words as he explains what had happened to Ray. "He must've been pretty upset about it." Frank said.

The voices won't stop. All I can hear is the person in my head yelling at me; calling me a faggot. _"You're parents won't accept you, Gerard."_ I want it to stop. _"Your fans will disappear. What will you do without them? They won't love you anymore!"_ It was like being in a terror, only it's all in my head, and I'm awake while it's happening. "Stop, stop, stop!" I whisper to myself. The voices won't shut up.

"I'm glad you finally told him. I know that it had been eating you up from the inside out. Whatever happens, happens. You can't let a few shitty kids get in the way of this. I'll go talk to Gerard and get him to come out. It'll be alright." I can almost see Frank's frown as he responds "okay."

I grab a razor from the sink ledge and dig it into my thigh. "STOP!" I yell. They continue. My leg is bleeding. At this point I am crying on the floor with blood dripping down my leg and my hands over my ears. The thoughts won't stop. _"What will Mikey say? You'll disappoint your brother. The one you care about most." _ I can't breathe. I want to stop thinking. I want my head to shut up.

I hear Ray shuffle over to the door and knock softly. "Can I come in, Gee?"


End file.
